Happy birthday, pecunium

• 04:50 Hmm. No rest for the wicked? Even on New Year's Eve? *sighs*
• 13:41 I'm sitting in a McD's in Lake Mills listening to a father discuss the Third Reich with his 3 young (3-4yr old) daughters. Yay, smart kids!
• 13:44 #10yearsago I was in a cabin in northern Wi, watching a bunch of geeks prepare for the End. It involved chess, bottle rockets, & everclear.
• 20:11 Hee! Yay! twitpic.com/w4qc9
• 20:59 Happy holidays to me: sharing family-made pfeffernuesse with friends. n0m.

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...whimper.

I think I broke my foot. No, the other foot this time. Fell off a bicycle. Yes, I'm off for the nice x-rays. See you all later. Sigh.

UPDATE: Nothing broken, but I severely insulted a ligament. I have a splint and crutches. See, this is what I get for trying to escape my desk potato lifestyle and get more healthful exercise and fresh air.

Well, maybe it's good symbolism that I spent the first hour of the new year being repaired. Also, yay me for beating the Emergency Department rush!

As promised, here's a New Year's entry that doesn't contain fic. Not much to report, really; I'm in waupun for a couple days, as my folks were in Madison for the Badger game earlier today, and we've got Christmaswith Mom's side of the family in a day or so. So I got a lift back to the southern edge of the Fox River valley, and now I'm spending New Year's with slush and geeky things. Bosco is again loving the extra space to bounce around in, and taking the opportunity to sniff whatever he can, read: food. Gah! I've just been distracted by Dad walking in and bopping me playfully on the top of the head. My family is odd. Great, but odd. XD

Wheeee. :) Yes, Chanter's had slush, and she's feeling the effects. Not a ton, as the glass was about half full, but still. Hmm. Going to watch the ball drop in Times Square, 'scuze me. :) It's always a little anticlimactic for me, seeing as we've still got an hour to go until it hits midnighthere. Still fun ringing it in in the Midwest, though. :)

Edited to add: Blimey. Mom was right, this is the first blue moon to occur on New Year's Eve in nineteen years. 19. Shi a, good omens and portents all over the place tonight.

It seems that I read twenty-seven books this year. October was so busy that I hardly read any, and didn't keep good notes about what I did read, and then that continued for the rest of the year. Luckily for everyone in the English-reading, SFF-loving world, I have enough information to list the top three in a few categories, so here they are for YOU.

Novels:

The Knights of the Cornerstone - James P. Blaylock
Boneshaker - Cherie Priest
A College of Magics - Caroline Stevermer

Collections:

The Fantasy Writer's Assistant and Other Stories - Jeffrey Ford
Pretty Monsters - Kelly Link
In the Palace of Repose - Holly Phillips

Anthologies:

The Living Dead - ed. John Joseph Adams
Wastelands - ed. John Joseph Adams
Fantasy: The Best of the Year 2008 - ed. Rich Horton

It was a big year for fantasy in my world, it seems. I can live with that. I also mixed a little bit of reality into my reading, but not enough to mess up my escapism.

Non-fiction:

The Tipping Point - Malcolm Gladwell
The Plot Thickens: 8 Ways to Bring Fiction to Life - Noah Lukeman
Writing the Breakout Novel - Donald Maass


If you've read these books, what did you think of them? And which books stood out for you in 2009?

Happy New Year!

Not New Year's Eve celebrations (yet anyway); the last month or so has been stressful enough that I've been leaning heavily on re-reading well-loved books. I did read Stephen Baxter's Flood new, which may have been ill-advised since (a) it's a downer even for Stephen, and (b) the Sun Prairie Public Library is still examining it, because apparently the branch I returned it to found it at the bottom of the return chute with "an unknown substance", I quote, staining the first 24 pages. Seriously, Sun Prairie Public Library, just check it in, bill me, or whatevs.

In the last few days I've been re-reading Tamora Pierce's Circle of Magic series. This was my entry point to Pierce, whom I kept hearing owlfish praise and thus decided to check out, even though I'd been dimly aware of her since seeing Alanna reviewed in Dragon magazine in [year redacted]. I loved the writing and the McGuffin of craft-based magic - and with every read I try and fail to imagine what programming-based magic would be like. Code monkeys and dragons seem like a prize-winning combination, although magic being a matter of will (under most interpretations) and programming being essentially applied logic, it has a certain particle-and-wave difficulty of conceptualizing.

Anyway. I just finished with Briar's Book, which I think is my favourite (although Tris is my favourite character of the four, for reasons which even a cursory survey of my relationship history will swiftly illuminate). The epidemic carries the story along briskly without the usual quease about dehumanization of baddies in fantasy (Pierce has, since, become really fond of serial killers as a plot engine, and I've got a few issues with that); it's believable that the scope of the epidemic and the relatively small number of people with really effective healing magic mean that it's not practical for them to just go around laying on the hands, and so our protagonists have to, basically, do science.

Now, I have to say this - Pierce, like Lois McMaster Bujold and Mercedes Lackey, is very gung-ho about this very Midwestern ethic of hard work, tactful self-assertion, and physical courage, and if you know me, you may be aware that I am not very good at any of these things. I suppose that's in part where the pleasure in reading comes from - if a protagonist defeated evil by several not-very-perilous hours of sitting around in a bathrobe, drinking coffee with rum in it and reading hard science fiction while listening to obscure industrial bands, I suppose I'd be pleased and flattered but also left wondering why I'd bothered picking the book up, apart from the "defeating evil" part and the clever description of the background noise in that one SPK track. But sometimes the reminder that I could maybe be a better person is a bit uncomfortable. I do what I can, but fundamentally I'm constructed to crave lots of security and lots of down-time, so I just have to work with that as best I can manage.

ObNewYear: thanks for being my friends anyway! I have amazing people in my life, and Occam's razor suggests you are not all, in fact, being kept in my sinister thrall by the desire to learn more about little-known 19th century Canadian poets.

Saw this on the Rachel Maddow Show last night. I don't know what's funnier, the expression on the parrot's face or Stephen Fry's droll commentary.

Slowest day ever at the day job. I filed. Cleaned and washed my desk and changed over calendars. Cleaned the group coffeemaker. I could have played badminton and no one would have noticed unless I broke a ceiling sprinkler with a shuttlecock or something.

I plan to be offline for the rest of the day, so. Happy New Year to one and all. Hope the next decade is better than this one.

Retrospective? I'm lousy at looking back, but I think the best I can say about the aughts is that I survived. I lost two parents, the process of which shook me as nothing else ever had and the processing of which goes on to this day.

Lost a dog who along with King helped teach me what dog logic is about. Sort of. Still learning there, as well. I can't believe I ever thought that dogs weren't all that complex. One definite change I can point to between Kris 2000 and Kris 2009.

Published 4 books, one novella, and a short story. I see other people's production over this same time, and I just...shake my head.

Hopes for the coming decade? That I continue to learn, and to want to learn, because to lose that urge leads to a different sort of death. That I continue to write. Keep the friends I have, and make new ones. That I find my Home, the place on the planet that says yes. Hopefully before I hit my 60s because seven decades is a helluva a long time to feel temporary.

I told newredshoes I was going to do this, and so I have! and I made my self-imposed deadline, too. gasp! XD

this is in a vague sort of retaliation for... well, it's a very silly story really. Er, the thing I'm retaliating against, not this story, although this one could be viewed as a little silly too depending on whether or not you know milliways_bar. This's also referencing a scene that I sharding love, which is a large majority of the reason why I did it this way. Don't kill me? I really, really hope I've got voices right, especially my narrator, seeing as we're, well, getting the whole ficlet through his eyes. Anyway. Here y'go, Esther. Happy New Year!

( The day one member of Easy found Milliways. )

I'm horrible, yes? :)

Proper New Year's entry to be made once I'm no longer in transit. *goes to finish packing*

So we're having this super rush at Coffee of Annihilation and I'm making drinks as quickly as I can. I am in The Zone. I am a blur of caffeine-powered movement. I have developed several phantom limb-tentacles to help me make frozen drinks and hot drinks at the same time, all while keeping my workspace clean and oh dammit we're out of apple juice in the mini-fridge again that's okay I will gesture appropriately and the apple juice will appear ah just in time I am a god of creation! BEHOLD what I have wrought with grace and many-tentacled efficiency! BEHOLD my oh bloody heck some lady is talking to me isn't she?

I drop clumsily from The Zone, nearly spilling a pitcher of steamed milk in the process. I retract most of my phantom limbs and focus on the lady. She is waving her cappuccino cup in my face and bouncing up and down kinda like she has to pee.
“I stuck my finger in this drink and it went too far. I'm in a hurry could you fix it for me?”
I'm still kind of reeling from having been pulled from The Zone and I have trouble focusing on her words. I'm not sure what's wrong, but starting over usually fixes things. I grab a new cup. “Okay. Would you like me to re-make it?”
“No, I don't have time! My finger went in really far and and I just need you to fix it quick.”
“You... you want me to take your finger out of your drink?”
At this point, she gives me a look like I'm crazy. Clearly she doesn't understand that I WAS JUST A GOD and now thanks to her I'm a lowly barista stuck staring in bafflement at her milk-encrusted finger. Of course I'm a little confused. Luckily, she does not punch me in the face. “No no no, it's just I got past the second joint before I hit solid coffee.”
“OH! You want more milk and less foam!”
“Yes.” I grab her drink and start skimming foam off the top. She keeps talking. “I know some people like a lot of foam, but I'm a no foam kind of girl.” I pour new milk into her cup. She grabs it and runs away.

Fellow baristas of the world – I am sorry. I know I should've educated her. A self described “no foam kind of girl” should never order a cappuccino. I could've done the entire coffee-making world a service and told her about the existence of a no foam latte. But I failed.

So here: a warning. If a lady ever enters your store and starts making faces while sticking her hand in her drink, chances are she doesn't know what a cappuccino is. Tell her before she steals your godhood.

Yes, it's my birthday today which is why I never go to New Year's Eve parties any more. They're always celebrating the END of my birthday and so they depress me. Instead, I've thrown dinner parties in my apt (when I had a usable kitchen minus books on the table/floor), gone out to dinner with some friends, and more recently go to a friend's house for dinner. Which I'm doing this evening.

I've also hit a milestone with this one. Which is weird? Who'd have thought I'd ever be this old? Not I ;-).

Anyway, a Happy new year to everyone.

I know I'm severely behind on reading journals, responding to comments and emails, and contacting anyone in any manner whatsoever. But, I hope to be back on track sooner than usual. The one good side to only having the one family Christmas to attend this year is that I've got much less of a crash to deal with.

Anyway, it's the last day of this year, of this decade, and I have some things to say about it. First and foremost is - let it be a much better year and decade for everyone! Even if you've had a great year and an awesome decade, it can always get better. And for most of us, there has been plenty to be improved upon.

This will be my first single New Year's this century. In 2000, I was dating someone, M, who I broke up with that spring. By that summer, I was dating Dave, and by New Year's 2001 we'd made a commitment together. In some ways, it seems appropriate that I'm starting this next decade off single. Maybe it's time.

The year 2009 has been spent almost entirely on my failing and ending relationship with Dave. Last year at this time, he was spending a week with K, his new gf. I'd objected to the amount of time and to the sharing of a holiday so soon in the relationship, and this was the trip where a few of the rules we'd set up to protect our primary relationship were broken, leaving me feeling worried and neglected. This was also the trip where Dave came home and began questioning our relationship. We almost broke up in January of this year.

Then came the trying to decide what to do, and if we'd try and make things work, and the breakup of K and Dave to that end. And the couple's therapy. And Dave making a new commitment to our relationship. And my starting to feel more secure and happy about things.

Then came May, and the official breakup. And eventually, him getting back together with K. And the rest of the year was spent with me crying and being angry and grieving and with the two of us trying to work out the logistics of separating while still living together, sharing expenses, and trying to remain friends. We got through all the major firsts apart - anniversaries, birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and now New Year's - which he is again spending with K.

And I officially declare 2010, and the whole teens decade of this century - MY year; MY decade! Yes, the next year will still be fraught with both the logistics of separating those finances and moving into separate abodes, as well as the emotional crap that I'm sure will still go along with it all. As the words of wisdom go, breaking up is hard to do. And it will likely continue to be.

But I think I'm ready, at least on some level, to let go. Let go of Dave. Let go of the relationship we had, and maybe more importantly, the relationship I believed we could have had if we'd only tried a little harder or done a few small things differently. Sometimes the grieving is about what could have been more than about what actually was, you know? Time to let go. To start anew.

And maybe I'll find myself in another relationship, or other relationships, as this new decade begins, and maybe I won't. Maybe I'll date, or maybe I'll just be quirkyalone for awhile. There are lots of maybes. Maybe things will work out with my plan with Angie to keep living together, or maybe I'll end up in low income housing, or maybe something else will happen. Maybe I'll have to give up a lot of luxuries I've gotten used to living with. Maybe my energies and pain levels will improve, and maybe they'll get worse, and maybe they'll stagnate. Maybe I'll have many adventures and make new friends, or maybe things will remain basically the same. Maybe lots of things. I don't always do so good with maybes. I like certainty. I like solid plans. Solid ground beneath my feet...

but here's the thing. I never trust that, anyway. When I say I'm agnostic about everything, that includes things like that the ground won't buckle underneath me at any given moment. So ... maybe ... it's time for me to let go of trying to keep the ground solid and firm beneath me so hard, and just seeing what happens. Maybe it's time for me to be okay with possibility. Maybe if the ground shakes, even that will be okay. Or not okay. But, either way, life goes on. Or, you know, it doesn't. Which, you know, I've never been scared of death. I've always only been scared of all of the things that could go wrong in life. Well, just as certain as death is that things will go wrong in life. So maybe it's time for me to accept and stop being so scared of that, too. Maybe the only way to feel the ground beneath my feet is to accept that it's possible it won't always be there. Maybe if I stop trying to force the ground to continue to be there for me, it will actually be there for me. Or at least, if it stops being there for me, I'll adjust much quicker to the lack of it.

Maybe, just maybe, the way to finally feel grounded is to let go of the ground.


I'm going to try anyway. And I'm going to re-focus myself on me, and what I want and need and can do for myself. And any new folk who enter into my life, or current folk who remain in it, will have to want and need that for me, as well. And instead of seeking for them to support me in case the earth shudders, I will ask that they support me in my quest to find my own way - whether the earth shakes and shudders and falls apart around me or not.

So - what say you friends and loved ones? Can you support me in my new journey - by not promising me that the earth won't move, but by assuring me that it's okay if it does?


***********************

BTW, I hope you all had lovely holidays, or at least manageable ones if lovely is too much to ask. I miss reading your posts and am anxious to find out how you are doing. Please comment here with a little bit of news?? It might be awhile before I fully catchup again. I'm trying. I swear.

I have not had time to come up with any cleaver comments regarding my trip to see Lynn (Alexander) Rueckert and Jack Rueckert, but Lynn insisted I get these pictures up immediately anyway.
 
And as Jack say, "She has the boobs, she is the boss."

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Kewaunee, WI, 12/30/2009

Happy birthday, sfrose.

Everyone else is doing one. Now it's my turn.

I know 2009 was tough for a lot of people on and off my flist. I've had tough years too, but this wasn't one of them. The birth of the Sprog made it one of the best years of my life. After years of quiet heartbreak this little miracle showed up. Our trip down the rabbit hole began.

He brought a lot of joy and worry. Joy is self-explanatory. I'm not a fan of worry, however, mostly because I'm intimately acquainted with it. Over the years I've taught myself that when I'm worried I either have to do something about it or let it go as beyond my control. I respect, embrace, and make use of fear, fear is a great motivator and guide, but worry is just funking and a timewaster.

In my relationships I've had a tough time keeping up with friends. Chats has to know that she's still #1 even as she steers the child-raising ship. I'm sure we've neglected way too many friends since he was born. I even did a shit job with Christmas cards this year.

Career has been going pretty well, but I let too much slide in favor of watching the Sprog gurgle and explore. I just have to accept that

condSprogmoreinterestingthanWork == TRUE;

always will be until my trip to the Undiscovered Country, and build my life around that conditional statement, finding ways to get the writing and other career-related stuff accomplished. Sales appear to be chugging along, though I won't know for sure how 2009 was until about nine months into 2010 because that's the way royalty reports work. I'm even seeing some money from overseas. 2009 was the first year I received royalty money from another country over and above my advance (merci, France). Getting into audio helped matters a great deal. I'm hoping I can launch a new book project in 2010 to carry me after I've finished up the Age of Fire series. Though of course if #6 takes off like gangbusters I'd find a way to continue it.

Minor triumphs include giving up my penismobile in favor of a family-friendly wagon. Saying goodbye to the Pursuit Special was tough, especially since it still had an unknown number of great years in it. The Pursuit Special was the first car I ever owned I couldn't drive into the ground. I just did my regular maintenance and she purred even at ten years old.

I also used getting the new kitchen appliances for a fresh start with my cooking. Chats and I were living off carry-out, last-minute stir-frys, Indian-in-a-can, and other glorified student cuisine for way too long. All my fault as I'm the alleged cook in the family. So I'm rebuilding from the ground up. I've even been taking classes at a small local cooking school and kitchen supply store. I'm open to relearning everything I thought I knew, starting with omelets and moving on from there. I'm proud to say I'm doing a lot more with fresh veggies, beans, rices, nuts, fruits and so on, studying vegetarian stuff from all along the silk and spice roads. It's been rewarding in many ways.

What most disappointed me this year? Letting too many deadlines slip, and slip again. Ignoring my friends. Not getting to the wonderful gym we belong to often enough, despite the great child-care facilities that make getting a workout in even when you're in charge of a child a breeze. Some of these are easy fixes (chucking the Sprog in his carseat and getting to the gym). Why are bad habits so much easier to start than good ones?

All in all, a great year. 2010 will have a tough time even coming close enough for horseshoes or hand grenades.

• 03:16 Got Gold trophies for all the circuits on 50cc on MarioKart Wii. Onto the 100cc bikes! #

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